Deciding to Divorce: Too Little, Too Late

Deciding to divorce doesn’t mean you didn’t try. Getting to this decision can be a heart-wrenching journey, one that typically doesn’t happen overnight. For many, it’s a culmination of trying. This is often a long, strenuous exertion of effort, love, and hope to save the relationship. It’s a difficult, deeply personal decision that comes after sleepless nights, tearful conversations, and moments of helpless despair. If you’re navigating through this emotional storm, it’s important to know that you’re not alone and that your feelings of uncertainty, guilt, or sorrow are not only common but also completely valid.

A Difficult Choice

It’s quite possible that you’ve invested immense emotional energy and time in trying to make your marriage work. Sometimes it feels like a solitary journey where you are the only one pulling the weight. This can leave you feeling abandoned and alone in your attempts. And now, when you’ve finally made the difficult choice to seek a divorce, guilt might be your unwelcome companion. You might even question whether you are abandoning your marriage the way you felt abandoned.

Remember, it’s important to acknowledge your effort, perseverance, and endurance! Recognize the validity of your feelings and the genuine efforts you put into trying to mend and sustain your relationship before ever deciding to divorce.

You may also be experiencing the sudden willingness of your partner to try, change, or go to counseling now that divorce is on the horizon. This newfound effort on their part can further complicate emotions. It’s bittersweet. What you’ve been yearning for is finally happening, but it feels too late. The pain, the past, and the disappointments might weigh heavily, making it challenging to believe or hope for a turnaround.

The Divorce Path Is Not Linear

Divorce is often filled with doubts and moments of indecisiveness. Here are a few ways to navigate these challenging feelings to help you move forward with clarity and peace:

  1. Acknowledging Your Efforts: Allow yourself to recognize and appreciate the work you have done in the relationship. You have tried, cared, and invested, and it’s essential to give yourself credit for that.
  2. Validating Your Emotions: Your feelings are valid. Guilt, uncertainty, and sorrow are natural reactions after deciding to divorce. Allow yourself to feel, process, and gradually heal.
  3. Seeking Professional Guidance: Consider engaging with a mental health professional. Therapy can offer a supportive space to navigate your emotions, providing strategies to cope with guilt and indecisiveness.
  4. Establishing Boundaries: As you navigate through the decision, establish clear emotional and communicational boundaries with your spouse. This will help foster your well-being and clarity.
  5. Prioritizing Your Well-Being: Going through a divorce can be emotionally and physically draining, so it’s important to prioritize your health and well-being. Engage in activities that promote your happiness and peace, whether it’s practicing mindfulness, journaling, exercising, or spending time with loved ones.
  6. Finding Support: Reach out to supportive friends, family, or online communities. Our Coffee Talk is a great place to turn! Sharing and listening to others’ experiences can be incredibly comforting and insightful.
  7. Reframing the Narrative: Instead of viewing the decision as a failure, try to see it as a courageous step towards a happier, more peaceful life. You’re choosing a path that honors your well-being and happiness.

While navigating the wide range of emotions divorce brings is not easy, remember that you don’t have to walk this path alone. The journey of trying, the pain, and the hope are chapters of your story, but they don’t define your entire narrative. Give yourself grace as you turn the page to your next chapter.

If you’re struggling with getting a divorce, check out these blogs for more helpful information:

More Resources:

Are you are ready to join our online Communitywe would love to have you! We have several experts in there waiting to help. Plus other divorcees you can connect and share stories with. Remember that you are not alone, even though it might feel like it at times. There are always people ready to support you- simply reach out your hand (or finger if you’re scrolling online!)

We get your struggles… We welcome you to visit our Support hub where we have created an informative and nurturing space using various modalities for you to get educated, emotionally supported and find your way. Our complimentary support groups like Coffee Talk and SOS: Support on Saturdays can be found here, along with many other helpful tools and resources.

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Essential Resources

If you’re facing legal/custody battles, a mental health crisis, an urgent medical issue, serious emotional problems, including suicidal thoughts, please seek help from the appropriate professionals near you.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Crisis line: 1-800-356-5395
Crisis text line: Text “help” to 741741
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) Resources Marital Life Inventory
Divorce Lifecycle Document
Divorce Process Overview


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Splitfyi, Inc. DOES NOT PROVIDE LEGAL OR TAX ADVICE. All information provided should not be construed or relied upon as legal or tax advice. Individuals seeking legal or tax advice should solicit the counsel of competent legal or tax professionals knowledgeable about the divorce laws in their own geographical areas.

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