The end of a marriage is a complex process that goes far beyond the legal wrangling, dividing of your assets, and deciding who gets the dog. It takes a heavy emotional toll. You’ve probably gone through every stage of grief and then some. But the papers are signed, the judgments are in, and you’re technically free. You’re divorced. Now what?
The Foreign Terrain of Your New Life
Picture a soldier returning from a long deployment. Everyone’s waving American flags, hugging each other, and crying happy tears. There’s a sense that, “Hey, you’re back! Everything will go back to normal now!”
Except the soldier doesn’t feel ‘normal.’ They’ve seen things and been through experiences that are hard to integrate into everyday life. Their reality has been fundamentally changed.
Similarly, your post-divorce life might feel completely alien, like you’re a stranger in your own world. Your friends and family may be relieved that you’re out of a difficult marriage, but their enthusiasm can feel premature. Like a soldier who’s home but not quite “back”, you’re technically free–but you’re still working on what that freedom means.
The Pressure to “Celebrate” Post-Divorce
You’ve probably seen or heard of divorce parties, complete with cake cuttings and champagne toasts to new beginnings. If that helps some people, great! But don’t feel pressure to throw a party if it’s not your style or doesn’t align with your feelings.
Remember, you don’t have to want to celebrate your divorce. You don’t have to see it as your liberation day. If you’re grieving the loss of what you thought would be a lifelong relationship, a party might feel completely wrong. And that’s okay.
The Slow March to Acceptance
Accepting your new reality is a process, and like any process, it takes time. It’s like learning to walk again. Each step may be small, but it’s still progress. You’re allowed to feel any way you feel. Confused, relieved, hopeful, cynical–it’s all part of the journey.
Take your time. Do things at your own pace. Whether that’s going out on a date, selling your wedding ring, or just taking off your ring and putting it away in a drawer, do it when it feels right for you.
Lean on Your Support Squad
No soldier goes into or comes out of a battle alone. Even if they don’t feel like celebrating, they’re usually thankful for a support system. This could be family, a therapist, or friends–anyone who gives them space to feel their feelings and work through them.
You too have a support system, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Don’t be afraid to reach out for emotional support or to seek professional guidance. A divorce support group, like we offer at Split.fyi, can be a great help!
Embrace the Awkward and Unfamiliar
The newness and awkwardness of your current situation aren’t permanent. Think of it as a transition, much like a soldier has to transition from the battlefield to home. Your “normal” will change, but you’ll find it again. Maybe it’ll be a new kind of normal, a different version of your life that you never expected but will eventually feel just as much “you” as before.
It’s okay not to be okay right now. It’s okay to feel like your post-divorce life is foreign terrain. You’re navigating through uncharted territory, and that’s bound to be a little weird and a little uncomfortable. But you’re navigating, and that’s what counts.
Remember, healing takes time and it’s okay to do it at your own pace. You don’t have to throw a party or put on a brave face. You just have to keep moving forward, even if it’s just one tiny step at a time. You’ve got this.
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