They say it takes a village to raise children, but what happens when your village changes after a divorce? Whether you’re co-parenting or raising your children alone after your divorce, there are unique challenges that arise. Where, before marriage, you had your partner to share parenting responsibilities with day in and day out, divorce changes that. Even if you share equal custody with your former spouse, there will still be moments when you must fill in the gap in your parenting time. In this article, we share 4 key tips for raising children as a divorced parent.
Not only does the relationship with your former spouse change, but your relationships with their family members and even mutual friends may also change. You may no longer feel comfortable calling your former in-laws and asking them to babysit, for instance. They also may not feel comfortable reaching out to you with an offer to help. The “village” that you once relied on suddenly feels more like a small hamlet.
If your ex fails to stay involved in your children’s lives after the divorce, the weight of parenting on your own can feel incredibly heavy. It’s important to create a new village for yourself, one that is supportive of where you are at in your journey and that you can rely on. We’ve got a few tips to help you find your post-divorce parenting village:
Look to the people already in your children’s lives.
It’s likely you already know enough people to fill up your village, you just haven’t thought of them in that way before. Teachers, coaches, neighbors, the parents of your children’s friends- all these people already play a role in the lives of your children, and they’ll probably be more than happy to step up and fill some of the gaps left behind after your divorce.
Be open to meeting new people.
Your divorce is the end of one chapter, but it’s also the beginning of another. You’ll make new friends along the way and may even add members to your family once you are ready to date again. Step-parents, step-siblings, step-aunts/uncles, step-grandparents, etc. can add great value to your life and the lives of your children. The switch from calling them “step-family” to now “bonus family” is gaining steam, and it really showcases the positive aspects of being open to love again after a divorce.
Consider mentorship programs.
Organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters have been supporting single parents for decades by stepping up to mentor children who could benefit from having a positive role model in their lives. Your local community center may also offer programs designed to enrich the lives of children of divorce.
Find an online community.
Supporting divorced parents goes beyond an offer to babysit. Divorced parents also need emotional support and help with navigating their new life. Our Split.fyi community is a great place to go for this type of support, and we are unique in that we offer virtual support groups, as well as an experienced group of divorce professionals and resources like blogs, videos, a weekly newsletter filled with helpful tips, a large toolkit library on our website, and more.
The importance of community is never more apparent than after a divorce when your village of support suddenly shrinks. The key to surviving parenthood after a divorce is not being afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone- and you shouldn’t. The support is there, you just need to reach out and take it.
