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Below is a story about a princess who fell in love but discovered how challenging divorcing a narcissist can be. From Prince Charming to Prince Contemptible. The princess learned how falling in love with a narcissist can go from whirlwind romance to unhappily ever after.
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Eve, and like all modern princesses, she was far too busy making a name for herself to sit around waiting for her Prince Charming to come and find her. That wasn’t to say that she was opposed to meeting him, it just wasn’t her top priority.
Alas, Eve, being a romantic at heart, was easily tempted by a certain type of suitor – the dashingly handsome kind who confidently took charge by planning proper dates and the occasional Insta-worthy romantic gesture. A proper courtship, in her mind, required constant wooing in the form of flowers, poems, and other small, but meaningful, tokens. An unfortunate consequence of her dating preferences was that she almost always overlooked those would-be suitors who were genuine in nature, but timid and clumsy in their approach.
Enter – Prince Charming
However, Eve, being Eve, carried on living her best life, determined to be the best version of herself, with or without her prince. And just like that, one day, her Prince Charming arrived.
Adam had dirty blond hair and a dark complexion and the most piercing green eyes. He was ruggedly tall and had a dimple on one cheek that would make most women melt when he smiled. Adam was self-assured, wickedly funny, and everywhere they went, Eve felt as though the whole room was looking at him, while he was looking only at her. He captivated her and yet he made her feel as though she was the most enchanting woman he’s ever met. Unlike other men, he wasn’t intimidated by her intellect or her success. He went out of his way to wrap her up in sweet praises and compliments, and she ate it all up.
The Fantasy
Swept off her feet and caught up in this fairy tale whirlwind romance, Eve thought all her dreams had come true when Adan whisked her away to Paris and capped off the most romantic getaway of her life by suggesting they take a sunset stroll along the Pont-Neuf on their last night in town.
When Adam suddenly bent down halfway across the bridge, Eve thought he was only stopping to tie his shoe. Though it was barely three months to the day after they had first met, and even though Eve had never done anything so impetuous in her entire life, when Adam pulled the ring out of his pocket and asked her to make him his wife, she didn’t hesitate to say yes.
Looking back, she still remembers his exact words with crystal clear clarity. “Eve, will you be mine forever? Will you be my wife and give me my children and be my source of joy and happiness forever….?”
Enter – Prince Contemptible
She couldn’t see it back then because she was so deliriously happy to have finally found her prince, and yet, she should have paid more attention to his words. Adam didn’t really want a partnership. He wanted someone who could provide for him and make him happy. In Adam’s eyes, his happiness was paramount; Eve’s happiness would either be a by-product of providing for him or would be secondary at best.
Their problems began shortly thereafter. Within a year of their honeymoon, Eve was three months pregnant, suffering from severe morning sickness, and could not participate in couplehood on a daily basis. Adam huffed and puffed and quickly transformed from Prince Charming to Prince Contemptible.
Eve desperately needed Adam to take care of her but, instead, he pushed her away and started to pick at her. “You only think about yourself”. “It is always about you”. “You’re never happy”. “Nothing makes you smile”. “You don’t even look after yourself or the house”, and so on and so on….
Reality
Alas, the joyous pregnancy she envisioned for herself, where she felt celebrated and pampered, was not meant to be. Eve’s world started closing in and, as a result, her pregnancy became a blur. Their beautiful and healthy baby boy Banyan came into the world on schedule, full of a lot of joy, but also a lot of colic.
Banyan rightfully became priority number one for Eve, which irritated Adam and caused him to feel even more neglected. The more that Eve cared for their child’s needs over his, the more that Adam seethed. He demanded attention and did it the way he knew best, by constantly berating Eve.
Their environment grew more and more dysfunctional and untenable. Eve was scared, hurt, and felt suffocated by Adam’s presence. “This was not the man I married”, she thought bitterly to herself.
They fought constantly, which left no energy for Eve to be a present mother. Her anger and resentment, which had been slowly simmering since her pregnancy, boiled over. Eve threatened to leave, hoping that Adam would be scared back into being Prince Charming. Her threat provoked the opposite result. Adam did not take rejection lightly, and when Eve looked into his eyes now, she saw only anger and hostility.
Exit – Eve
Seeing no other option, Eve left him and, in that act, wounded his ego more than anyone had ever wounded him before. If one were to compare the energy Adam put into ensnaring Eve, to the dogged determination with which he pursued their disentanglement, there would be no comparison. This is what happens when you are divorcing a narcissist.
Eve realizes that, like Narcissus who fell in love with his own image in a pool of water, their relationship is similarly reflexive for Adam. Convincing her to marry him validates his ego and sense of self-importance. Now in divorcing Eve, he has to destroy her in order to convince himself (and the rest of the world) that she is making a colossal mistake. Adam, through his attorneys, set out to make Eve’s life a living hell and nearly succeed. While divorcing a narcissist can seem almost impossible to survive, it can be done.
However, Eve, always being Eve, works through the pain and comes out stronger than ever. And, of course, she and Banyan live their version of happily ever after.
Although in this story, the presence of a child is a threat for Adam. The attention is taken away from him. For a narcissist, that child can be a job, a new group of friends, an ailing family member, or anything that steals their spotlight.
A game-changing program by Rebecca Zung, a Top 1% divorce attorney helps you take back your power. No more feeling beaten down, frustrated and crazed when interacting with the narcissist in your life! You will be able to negotiate your best life with S.L.A.Y. Your Negotiation™ with a Narcissist.
Moral of the Story
This fairy tale’s moral is that a narcissist can be the best person to fall in love with but is the absolute worst person to break up with. Spare yourself the heartache, and look for the signs beforehand. Try to ease off the gas pedal, or just don’t sign up for it at all.
If you are already divorcing a narcissist, it is important to protect yourself from the negativity that your ex projects on you. Always stay true to yourself and remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Guest author: Laila Aitken Ali, The Split Coach and Split.fyi Founder
