When you have kids with an ex-spouse, your relationship becomes infinitely more complicated. You are frequently confronted with the same conflicts you have endured through your marriage but in the context of co-parenting. However, it would be best if you work together moving forward in order to raise your child. How do you balance your responsibilities without pulling your hair out? Here are a few proven strategies for co-parenting success.
Remember: It Isn’t About You
Your ex may know precisely how to get under your skin. Perhaps they always say the wrong thing, only think of themselves, and never seem to have things together for your child. It is so easy to interpret the things they do (or don’t do) as a personal attack on you. However, even if it is directed towards you, just let it roll off your back. Your co-parenting relationship isn’t about you. It is about doing what you need to do for your child.
Before taking offense, pause, and think why your ex is maybe doing or saying something to you. Perhaps they are having a bad day, maybe their message isn’t coming across the right way through text, or perhaps you need to diffuse the situation by taking the high road and responding calmly.
Set Appropriate Boundaries
While you should always try to take the high road, that doesn’t mean you have to be a punching bag. If your ex participates in emotionally abusive behavior, it is appropriate to set reasonable boundaries on your co-parenting relationship.
Ask them to limit communication to things concerning your child. If they fall outside that boundary, don’t respond. Eventually, they will catch on that you will not engage in text conversations that lead to conflict.
Be Organized
A lot of conflicts come from disorganization. Common arguments involve not having the proper equipment for extracurricular, uneven participation in school events, or misunderstandings regarding deviation from your parenting schedule. To minimize confusion, create a shared online calendar that is accessible by both of you.
For items that fall outside of the day-to-day, make sure you have expectations laid out concisely in a written agreement. For example: if you want the right of first refusal regarding changes in the schedule, be sure to discuss and lay it out in writing with both parties agreeing.
Leave the Court Out of It
If something minor occurs, don’t threaten the other parent with taking them to court. Try your very hardest to never go to court. If you have a disagreement you can’t work through, seek out a mediator instead of going to high-conflict litigation. The worst thing any co-parent to do is sow the seed of contention within an already struggling co-parenting relationship.
