Just when you’ve finally gotten to the point where you’re embracing your singleness, boom- love comes along again. You’ve already gone through one identity shift after your divorce, and while you’ve certainly got heart eyes for your new partner, you might also be a little scared of making that shift to being a spouse again.
It’s natural to feel this way. You put in a lot of hard work towards accepting living life on your own, and you might even enjoy it. How do you shift back to a partnership?
While you can’t control when love is going to enter your life you can prepare yourself for when it does happen so that you’re the best version of yourself in your new relationship. Ready to take that leap back into marriage? Do these five things first.
1. Continue to practice self-love.
One of the biggest things you can do to help the identity shift after the dissolution of your marriage is to practice plenty of self-love, and that shouldn’t stop when remarriage after divorce takes place. Continue to make time for yourself, and don’t let go of all the new things you’ve discovered since your divorce. These are a part of your new updated version and they are part of why your new partner fell in love with you. There’s enough room in your heart to love both your new partner and yourself.
2. Be willing to be vulnerable.
Lack of communication is one of the top reasons couples divorce. It was most likely a contributing factor in yours. To avoid history repeating itself, you must be willing to be vulnerable and communicate how you’re feeling to your partner. There will be doubts, insecurities, and obstacles to contend with, and the only way you will get through them is if you do so together. It may take some time to build up the confidence to be vulnerable with your partner about the big things like finances and child-rearing, so start with smaller issues that may come up, like scheduling conflicts and who does which chore around the house.
3. Learn how to effectively handle conflict.
Whenever you merge two lives together, there are bound to be some conflicts. This is especially true when you’re remarrying or getting into a serious relationship after a divorce, where children may be involved and both partners are likely set in their ways. Effective handling conflict before issues arise will help keep you from losing the relationship and yourself. You’ve found your voice after your divorce, but you also need to know how to use that voice in a positive way for your relationship. Couples counseling can be a great tool, even if you aren’t experiencing dramatic conflicts.
4. Accept your new role as a step-parent.
If your partner has children, you’ll also be dealing with another identity shift- into the role of a step-parent. This can be even more challenging than shifting back into the role of a spouse because you’ve probably never dealt with this before. Give yourself and your new stepchildren grace along the way. Blending families is a learning process, and it takes a lot of time and patience to do so. That instant love you feel for your biological children probably won’t be there, and that’s okay. If you commit to accepting your new role and allowing all of you the space and time to adjust, your relationship with your stepchildren should evolve positively.
5. Embrace the idea of commitment.
After you’ve been divorced once and survived, the idea of walking away a second time isn’t quite as scary. That mindset can make maintaining a committed relationship challenging. While it’s important to know that you can, in fact, do this life on your own, it’s also important to fully commit to your partner if you want to have a relationship full of love and mutual respect. This will not be impossible if one of you always has one foot tentatively out the door. Embrace the idea of being fully committed to this relationship. You already know you’ll be okay if it ends, so there’s no need to even give it a second thought.
Even if you hope to find love again, letting go of single life isn’t always easy after you’ve worked so hard to embrace it. While remarriage after divorce is certainly an identity shift, it’s a much more positive one, full of love and hope for the future. Enjoy this shift. You deserve to be happy.
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- Are You Anxious, Avoidant, Secure? Learn How Attachment Styles Impact the Way You LoveWhile you can’t control when love will enter your life, you can prepare yourself for when it happens so that you’re the best version of yourself in your new relationship. Ready to take that leap back into marriage? Do these five things first.
