Loving Yourself Again After a Divorce

Loving Yourself Again After a Divorce…

Divorce can really do a number on your self-esteem. Even the most confident person can questionLoving Yourself Again After Divorce their worth- or at the very least, their decision-making- when the relationship they thought would last forever, doesn’t. It takes intentionality and a complete mindset shift to start loving yourself again after a divorce.

This is a time for you! A time to rediscover all the parts of you left behind during your marriage. It’s also an opportunity to meet new parts of yourself- parts you never could have imagined would exist.

Here are some helpful self-love tactics you can practice after your divorce:

1. Date yourself:

Grabbing a cup of coffee by yourself or watching a movie in a theater alone may seem foreign to you after being in a partnership for so long, but solo dates are something to be relished after a divorce. If you have a shared parenting plan, the time when your kids are away is the perfect opportunity to take yourself out on a date! The more time you spend alone, the more you’ll start to discover who you really are and what you want for your future.

2. Try a new (or old) hobby:

Hobbies can be a huge boost to our mental health. They help us develop new social connections, expose us to new challenges, give us an opportunity to explore our talents, can improve our physical health, reduce stress, and force us to take a break. If you had a hobby you loved prior to your divorce but didn’t have the time for it during your marriage, now is the time to rediscover it! If you aren’t sure which hobby is right for you, try out a few until you find a good fit.

3. Speak positively to yourself:

There’s a reason why inspirational people like Oprah believe that positive affirmations are beneficial. They can be a major self-esteem boost and can really improve your mindset post-divorce. You can speak these affirmations out loud, in your head, or journal them. If affirmations aren’t your thing, reframing your thoughts can also be beneficial. Instead of:

  • “I don’t think I can get through this” try “I need to ask for help and support”
  • “When will this end” try “All tough times end”
  • “I’m a mess” try “I’m human”
  • “Why is this happening” try “What is this teaching me”

4. Say no to the things that aren’t serving you:

Making your wants and needs a priority after a divorce is not selfish- it is necessary in order to heal and move forward in your life. That includes saying no to the things (and people) that aren’t aligning with the post-divorce life you’re seeking. If something or someone is draining you or preventing you from being happy, don’t feel guilty for setting clear boundaries- or even walking away from it (or them) entirely.

5. Be kind to your body:

Physical health is an important part of self-love, too. Things like eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and avoiding drugs and alcohol are always beneficial, but even more so when your life can feel like it’s spiraling out of control during a divorce. Focusing on the things you can control, like your physical health, can help you feel more secure with where you’re at in life. The better you feel physically, the better you’ll feel mental. 

6. Celebrate the victories:

Big or small, celebrate those wins! Remember that even baby steps can get you to where you want to be eventually. Try not to focus so much on the setbacks, but really amp up the volume when you have a victory. You can even incorporate some of the above self-love tactics into your celebration! Treating yourself to a night out or some things you need for a hobby you enjoy is a great way to continue your self-love journey!

Everyone’s self-love journey is different, just like everyone’s divorce journey is different. What self-love practices you choose to do doesn’t matter as much as the frequency with which you do them. Practicing self-love daily, even on the hardest days, is what will get you over those hurdles. You are worth the effort!

More Split.fyi Resources:

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Essential Resources

If you’re facing legal/custody battles, a mental health crisis, an urgent medical issue, serious emotional problems, including suicidal thoughts, please seek help from the appropriate professionals near you.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Crisis line: 1-800-356-5395
Crisis text line: Text “help” to 741741
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)

Split.fyi Resources
Split.fyi Marital Life Inventory
Divorce Lifecycle Document
Divorce Process Overview

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