You just can’t seem to get over it. You are constantly stuck in a state of anger, grief, resentment, and emotional turmoil from your divorce. Things should be getting better by now, but they’re not. If this describes you, you’re probably suffering from a divorce hangover. in this article, we will share how to cure the perpetual divorce hangover: remedies that work.
A divorce hangover is when one stays trapped in the emotional upheaval that their divorce has caused. They stay connected to their ex and the pain and frustration that comes along with divorcing them. They essentially aren’t moving on.
Moving on is a very important part of the divorce process. It’s the moment when you are finally free to start building your new life. Until you let go of the old one- and the way that it ended- you will never be able to fully do that. Neither will those around you, including your former spouse and any children you share together.
So, how do you overcome a divorce hangover and embrace the beauty of the life before you? The first step is admitting that you have one. It’s easy to say that you’re over your ex and the divorce, but it’s an entirely different thing to actually live like you are. Once you recognize that you are still stuck in the emotional turmoil of your divorce, you can start the healing process.
Be honest with yourself throughout the healing process.
In order to get the most out of counseling and other forms of support from family and friends, you’ll need to face the reality of your situation. A divorce hangover can look a lot like:
- Getting upset when someone talks about your ex- even mentioning their name can trigger you.
- Feeling consumed by anger and resentment towards your former spouse and the way things ended. It’s all you can think about some days.
- You have the victim mentality. Instead of taking ownership for the part, you played in the downfall of your marriage, you blame everything on your ex.
- You are constantly thinking about what your spouse is doing and who they’re dating. You may even cyber-stalk them or call them frequently when they have the kids.
- You’ll use any excuse to talk to your ex, even if it’s to argue.
- You involve others in your divorce hangover, always trying to convince them that you are in the right and your ex is in the wrong. You might even include your kids in the discussion.
- If your ex is dating someone new, you try anything you can to ruin the relationship.
- You’re living in the past and feel stuck.
You might not intentionally be doing some or even all of these things, but subconsciously or not, your divorce hangover is dramatically affecting your life and your ability to move on.
After recognition comes action.
Once you’ve recognized that you’re dealing with a perpetual divorce hangover, you must take action in order to move on- otherwise, you will stay stuck. Although time heals a lot, it won’t heal you fully. That takes action on your part by:
- Seek counseling- counseling is a huge asset to those experiencing a divorce hangover. A therapist asks the tough questions to help you figure out what you need to work on, and they give you the tools in order to do it.
- Find support outside of your marriage- while your ex, at one time, was the center of your universe, they aren’t any longer. It’s important to find new people and things to focus on. It’s even better if those new people and things have nothing to do with your marriage. Seek new friends and new experiences as often as possible.
- Turn the page- literally turning the page on the end of your marriage and the start of your new life by journaling can be incredibly therapeutic. Write down everything you are feeling about your divorce and your healing process, and then turn the page and start writing your new story. With time, you’ll see that the pages are being filled up with more new experiences and emotions than old ones.
- Forgive yourself- blaming your ex is easier than taking the blame yourself because then you have to go through the process of forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves is often harder than forgiving others because we think we should have known better; we should have seen the signs; we should have done more to fix it. Hindsight is 20/20, and if we had the ability to see the future none of us would ever make any mistakes. Remind yourself that mistakes are how you learn and grow, and we are not meant to stay stagnant forever.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Heart work is hard work. Healing your heart and processing the emotions of your divorce will not be easy, but the reward at the end of it all is the ability to embrace new beginnings. Instead of remaining stuck in a state of anger and sadness, you’ll be able to find peace and acceptance so that you can move forward into the life of abundance that you deserve. When you look back on all you’ve been through, you will see the gift and it’ll be worth all the hard work.