How to Create Your Dating World After Divorce

Knowing when to start dating after divorce is a very personal decision.

  • Dating and finding a companion is a mindset and requires you to understand what you want and what you are looking for in a partnership.
  • Know that there is a lot of fun to be had in dating, and if you choose to look at this experience as an exciting new chapter that will either provide you with an excellent story to tell or a new life partner, then it feels less daunting.
  • Rather than looking at dating as limiting and challenging, try and look at it as a new way to invite people into your life.
  • Know what you want and be very clear about it in your messaging and in your voice.
  • Don’t be afraid to be hurt as if you liked someone enough to be hurt again; then, you will want someone else down the road.
  • Know yourself! This is the most important one. Once you know who you are and gain your confidence and are happy with being in your own company, you will attract the right person.

Ideas on how to prepare yourself for dating again:

One of the best ways to get clear as to what you want to attract is to make a list of attributes that you are looking for in your partner or the person you want to have fun with. This list can be as detailed as you wish, but the more detailed you are, the more realistic this partner becomes. Decide whether you are looking for a partnership or someone to just have fun with. These are a few prompts on how to write and create that perfect encounter:

1. What are your top 5 non-negotiables (deal breakers) when dating a person? Examples could include:

  • Do they have to be kind to strangers?
  • Spiritual?
  • Be respectful?
  • Religious?
  • Have manners?
  • Ambitious?

2. Make a list of things you want your partner or date to do for you. Examples could include:

  • Cook for you.
  • Organize the date.
  • Bring you flowers.
  • Be prepared to have conversations on the phone and chat into the early hours.
  • Not move so fast.

3. Describe what your date or partner does for a living and what his or her interests are outside of work. Examples could include:

  • What are his or her skillsets?
  • Do they support a charity?
  • Do they have passions, and what are they?
  • Are they creative?
  • What is their hobby?

5. Ways to make your list known to the public:

  • Write to your friends and let them know you are ready to date again. Attach your list and ask them if they know anyone that is similar to your description.
  • Do the same with your family members.
  • Read your list every day, as the power of believing you will meet with those attributes creates the possibilities.
  • Join a few dating sites that match the criteria and the ethos of what you are looking for in your date.

Guest authors: Laila Aitken Ali and Heather Steer, Co-Founders

More Resources:

Are you are ready to join our online Communitywe would love to have you! We have several experts in there waiting to help. Plus other divorcees you can connect and share stories with. Remember that you are not alone, even though it might feel like it at times. There are always people ready to support you- simply reach out your hand (or finger if you’re scrolling online!)

We get your struggles… We welcome you to visit our Support hub where we have created an informative and nurturing space using various modalities for you to get educated, emotionally supported and find your way. Our complimentary support groups like Coffee Talk and SOS: Support on Saturdays can be found here, along with many other helpful tools and resources.

Get more of! Straight to your inbox weekly. You’ll be the first to know the best divorce resources, professional advice, upcoming digital and live events, supportive insights, and current divorce pitfalls to avoid. Better ways to live apart are right here. Sign up for the Newsletter.

Essential Resources

If you’re facing legal/custody battles, a mental health crisis, an urgent medical issue, serious emotional problems, including suicidal thoughts, please seek help from the appropriate professionals near you.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Crisis line: 1-800-356-5395
Crisis text line: Text “help” to 741741
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) Resources Marital Life Inventory
Divorce Lifecycle Document
Divorce Process Overview


323 San Vicente Blvd., Unit 1
Santa Monica, 90402

Have a question for us?
Please visit our contact form

Coffee talk:
join our weekly divorce support group hosted every Friday morning at 9 am PST.


Follow Us

Splitfyi, Inc. DOES NOT PROVIDE LEGAL OR TAX ADVICE. All information provided should not be construed or relied upon as legal or tax advice. Individuals seeking legal or tax advice should solicit the counsel of competent legal or tax professionals knowledgeable about the divorce laws in their own geographical areas.

Copyright © 2022 | All rights reserved


Install our App!

Click the share icon in your browser toolbar, then click “add to home screen” to install our app.