Knowing when to start dating after divorce is a very personal decision.

• Dating and finding a companion is a mindset and requires you to understand what you want and what you are looking for in a partnership.
• Know that there is a lot of fun to be had in dating, and if you choose to look at this experience as an exciting new chapter that will either provide you with an excellent story to tell or a new life partner, then it feels less daunting.
• Rather than looking at dating as limiting and challenging, try and look at it as a new way to invite people into your life.
• Know what you want and be very clear about it in your messaging and in your voice.
• Don’t be afraid to be hurt as if you liked someone enough to be hurt again; then, you will want someone else down the road.
• Know yourself! This is the most important one. Once you know who you are and gain your confidence and are happy with being in your own company, you will attract the right person.

Ideas on how to prepare yourself for dating again:

One of the best ways to get clear as to what you want to attract is to make a list of attributes that you are looking for in your partner or the person you want to have fun with. This list can be as detailed as you wish, but the more detailed you are, the more realistic this partner becomes. Decide whether you are looking for a partnership or someone to just have fun with. These are a few prompts on how to write and create that perfect encounter:

1. What are your top 5 non-negotiables (deal breakers) when dating a person? Examples could include:

• Do they have to be kind to strangers?
• Spiritual?
• Be respectful?
• Religious?
• Have manners?
• Ambitious?

2. Make a list of things you want your partner or date to do for you. Examples could include:

• Cook for you.
• Organize the date.
• Bring you flowers.
• Be prepared to have conversations on the phone and chat into the early hours.
• Not move so fast.

3. Describe what your date or partner does for a living and what his or her interests are outside of work. Examples could include:

• What are his or her skillsets?
• Do they support a charity?
• Do they have passions, and what are they?
• Are they creative?
• What is their hobby?

5. Ways to make your list known to the public:

• Write to your friends and let them know you are ready to date again. Attach your list and ask them if they know anyone that is similar to your description.
• Do the same with your family members.
• Read your list every day, as the power of believing you will meet with those attributes creates the possibilities.
• Join a few dating sites that match the criteria and the ethos of what you are looking for in your date.

Guest authors: Laila Aitken Ali and Heather Steer, Split.fyi Co-Founders