7 Things to Consider When Returning to the Dating Pool After a Divorce

Entering the dating arena after a divorce can be a daunting journey. After placing your energy, love and time in another for so long, even the thought of opening yourself up to someone else can be difficult. But as you start to settle in with your new reality at ground zero, we begin to remember that we all deserve love. The only way to find it is to eventually get back in the saddle and find that person you are supposed to open your heart to. Here are 7 things to consider when returning to the dating pool after divorce.

1. Assess Where You Are Emotionally and Mentally

It is not easy, but you can embark on a steady voyage to get yourself emotionally and mentally prepared to start dating again after a divorce. Check-in with yourself. We all have our battles with alone time. If you are truly ready, make sure you have taken the time and steps for your own healing and self-care. Are you seeking the right therapy options to help you bring yourself back? Are you staying active? How healthy is your diet? Are you bringing your true self to the table?

2. How and Where to Meet Someone New?

Some people leave it up to fate, while others like to take control into their own hands. Where do you start? During the pandemic, some people have found new love using online dating sites and apps. The sites that help you build a more personable profile, can help weed out the mismatches. As you check in with your people who care about you, your family and friends can be a trusted source for meeting new people. Especially at this time of distancing and lockdowns, meeting people within your own pods keeps everyone safe. People are always coming into our lives. You never know if your next romance might come across your path through the daily routine of your work commute, grocery shopping, or another random task. Keep your eyes and your heart open.

3. Planning a First Date?

So you found someone that gives you that familiar pitter-patter in your heart. Now it’s time to take it to the next step. Are you meeting and going out in person? If you’re social distancing, have you been on a digital or Zoom date? While connecting is about jumping in with both feet, approach the planning stages of your first dates at your level of comfort.

4. Setting and Venue

Finding the right place to have your first date builds a lot of pressure. It can be exciting and scary all at the same time. Where are you two going? What are you planning to do? Are you at the grab a coffee or a drink while getting to know each other? Is it a brunch or dinner date? What are you planning on doing after eating? Ultimately… how do you see things going as the date comes to a close.

5. Knowing Your Intentions. As Well As Theirs

The place and activity of your date will speak volumes. Before you find things moving faster than you’re ready for, set your boundaries and expectations. Know your intentions. Are you meeting close to your home, or theirs? Are you just opening yourself up to see what’s out there or looking to lock in a relationship right away? If you’re eager, have you taken the time to heal from your divorce? You need to be realistic on what’s fair to you, just as much as what’s fair for their intentions. It’s always good practice to keep your communication lines and intentions transparent.

6. How Dating Again Affects Your Family

If you have children through your previous marriage, you need to be really cognizant of how your attempts to get back out there in the daring world will affect your own family. Kids are still working through the struggle of interpreting the new life they find themselves in. Before introducing any new love interest to your kids, you should consider how committed you are to your new romance. If the new relationship doesn’t pan out, consider how those unknown variables can affect your children’s development, along with ongoing communication with your ex-spouse.

7. Don’t Get Discouraged

If your first few swings don’t go well. Or if you are having a tough time finding someone, remember to stay patient. People are always coming into our lives. You never know if your next romance will come across your path through the daily routine of your work commute, grocery shopping or another random task. Keep your chin up.

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Essential Resources

If you’re facing legal/custody battles, a mental health crisis, an urgent medical issue, serious emotional problems, including suicidal thoughts, please seek help from the appropriate professionals near you.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Crisis line: 1-800-356-5395
Crisis text line: Text “help” to 741741
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)

Split.fyi Resources
Split.fyi Marital Life Inventory
Divorce Lifecycle Document
Divorce Process Overview

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