Divorce coaching is a relatively new profession, first emerging in the 1990s and increasing in popularity in recent years. A divorce coach is not a friend, therapist, or attorney. Instead, they fill the gaps often left by those people in a divorce. By holding you accountable, being your cheerleader, and helping you achieve your goals, they can help you get to the other side of your divorce in one piece and thrive. The following are some of the reasons why a divorce coach is invaluable.
Hold You Accountable
While a friend or family member can listen to you go on and on about your divorce, they can’t hold you accountable in the way a divorce coach can. Much like a team coach, they keep you focused on the task at hand and get you back on track if you start veering off course.
For instance, if you receive an email from your attorney listing demands made by your ex, your first instinct may be to fight tooth and nail for what you feel you’re entitled to. A divorce coach can help you point out what is worth fighting for and what’s not. This helps you counter the demands in a more reasonable way and come to a better- often less costly- resolution.
Be Your Cheerleader
All too often, the little victories of the divorce process aren’t celebrated. While it’s important to stay focused on the end goal of surviving and thriving after your divorce, you also want to celebrate the little victories along the way. By recognizing these small accomplishments, you refuel your mind, body, and soul so that you can continue on with your divorce journey.
Take your financial documents for example. If your ex was the main breadwinner, you may find it difficult gathering all of the necessary information to complete things like the financial affidavit, which most states require in a divorce. In addition to helping you mentally prepare and understand these forms and your financial needs and desires, a divorce coach can also acknowledge all the hard work you put into finishing them and remind you that you just checked off yet another item on the long list of things that need to be done during a divorce.
Help You Achieve Your Goals
While the main objective with a divorce is to get to the other side so you can start your new life, how you get there and your specific goals along the way may look different from another divorcee’s journey. A divorce coach will dive in-depth to find out how you want your divorce story to go. Once you set those goals, they will take actionable steps to keep you heading towards those goals.
If you’re dealing with an ex who has a high-conflict personality, one of your goals may be to learn how to communicate better. One way to do this is by making communication short and sweet with the BIFF method: Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. The BIFF method creator is Bill Eddy, a Licensed Clinical Social worker, attorney, mediator, author, and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute.
A divorce coach can teach you this method, and help you apply it to all forms of communication with your ex, such as texts, emails, and phone conversations. Learning to communicate better can only benefit everyone involved, especially if you have kids with your ex.
Recognized As a Valuable Asset
More and more attorneys, therapists, and others in the divorce community are recognizing the important role that a divorce coach plays. By supporting, motivating, and guiding someone going through a divorce, a divorce coach helps them achieve their goals so that they have the best possible start to their post-divorce life.
A divorce is a long journey, one with plenty of twists and turns along the way. Having a divorce coach along for the ride can make that journey a little easier.
