So, you’re single- now what? For many, the next logical step would be to start dating, but what if you’re just not ready? First of all, not being ready is more than okay. You just went through a major life change, and it takes time to heal from that. If you think you might be ready, but you aren’t quite sure, use this checklist as a guide before you take the plunge. Single and scared to mingle? 5 signs that you’re ready to date after divorce:
You’re excited to go out and meet new people.
If the thought of introducing yourself to new people and learning about them makes your head hurt, you aren’t ready to date. Meeting new people- whether they be friends or potential partners- should be exciting! If you’d rather just hang out with those you already know (or even just hang out alone), that’s totally fine! But you’re definitely not ready to date yet.
You’re looking for someone who enhances your life, not who saves you.
One sure, tell-tale sign you’re not fully healed yet is if you’re desperate for someone to fill the void left behind by your ex. Until you find all that you need within yourself, you will never feel fulfilled in a new relationship. If you’re looking for a savior or someone who will make all the pain go away, that next relationship will be doomed before it even begins. On the other hand, if you feel strong and secure with where you are at on your own and you’re just looking for someone who adds more enjoyment to your life, then you’re ready!
You don’t care who your ex is dating.
Maybe your ex moved on quickly after the divorce while you took some time to yourself, and the thought of them dating someone else doesn’t even phase you. That’s great, and that means that you have healed yourself and are open to finding love again with someone new. If you’re constantly wondering who your ex is with, stalking their social media profile for a glimpse of their new life, or crying yourself to sleep every night because they’re dating someone else, you need some more time to heal before you start dating. That pain you’re feeling now will only follow you into a new relationship.
You’re open to different forms of dating.
If you haven’t been in the dating scene in a while, you might not be familiar with online dating. Online dating has become the go-to way for divorcees to meet, especially since the pandemic began. If the thought of online dating makes you cringe, there are still the old-fashioned ways to meet people, like through mutual friends or at the grocery store, but online dating is becoming more and more common. Being open to all forms of dating- both in-person and online- shows that you are really ready to get back out there and see where this next chapter in your life takes you.
You’re ready to commit.
Fear of commitment is natural after experiencing the trauma of divorce, but if you aren’t ready to handle all of the things that come along with being in a relationship (including commitment), it’s better to stay single until you are. Otherwise, you’re just going to leave a trail of hurt behind you. The only exception to this is if you make it clear from the beginning to anyone you date that you are looking for something casual. If you are both on the same page with that, then there is nothing wrong with not committing until you are ready.
Dating after divorce doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some divorcees are ready to date right away, while others may never want to date. Try not to compare yourself to others and be okay with following your own timeline. If, however, the idea of a companion is something you would like to explore, we suggest that you make a list of attributes that are important to you in a partner and those that you are not willing to tolerate. Making a list will help you clarify what you are and are not willing to pursue. Remember, this is your divorce story, and you get to choose how it ends.
