How Goal Setting During Divorce Keeps Your Heart and Mind Focused

You set goals in many aspects of your life- your career, finances, how you raise your children, what you plan on doing once you retire. It makes sense that you should also set goals when it comes to your divorce. Learn about how goal setting during divorce keeps your mind and heart focused on the end game. This helps so you don’t get caught up in the anger, hurt, and resentment that the divorce process can bring up.

Short vs. Long-Term Goals

When setting your divorce goals, you’ll want to think in both short and long-term scenarios. Short-term goals may include things like:

  • Dividing assets
  • Figuring out the living situation
  • Getting your children adjusted
  • Deciding on a parenting plan
  • Healing your heart

While many of the short-term goals include collaborating with your ex, the long-term goals are more individualized. This is where you start picturing your life moving forward. How do you want it to look? You’re now in the driver’s seat. You have control over the next chapter in your life, and you also have the ability to decide how your story is going to end. Some long-term goals for you might be:

  • Finding a compatible partner
  • Ensuring financial stability for your household
  • A good state of mental health for you and your children
  • A positive co-parenting relationship with your ex
  • Where you see yourself in all aspects of your life 5, 10, even 20 years down the road

How Anger Can Interfere With Goal Setting

Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s a reaction to primary emotions like fear, hurt, humiliation, frustration, and rejection. If we allow this secondary emotion to overtake us, we can get stuck in a vicious cycle of wanting revenge against our ex in order to somehow soothe those primary emotions.

The feeling of victory when revenge is sought never lasts long, though. Even more problems are left in its wake. How many legal fees are you racking up in the process of trying to hurt your ex for what they did? How will your children be negatively impacted? Instead of seeking revenge and living in a constant state of anger, work on healing and moving forward in a healthy way.

Your Divorce Isn’t The End

While your divorce is the end of your marriage and this chapter in your life; it isn’t the end of your story. You still have many goals to set and achieve. If you look at your divorce as the end game, you’re bound to get stuck.

Healing is the end game. Creating a beautiful new life for yourself is the ultimate goal. Show your children (and everyone else) that you can go through the most difficult time in your life and still come out on the other side thriving and happy. How do you want your story to end? You want to handle this chapter with grace, dignity, and respect for your family, even though you’re learning to cope with those primary and secondary emotions.

Achieving Your Divorce Goals

You will inevitably go through many emotions during your divorce, including moments of anger, but that doesn’t mean you can’t achieve your goals. When those waves of emotion wash over you, having goals to focus on can help you float back to the surface. Instead of being buried under them, you’ll rise above and keep pushing forward.

The way you handle your divorce process is almost as important as the goals you set during it. Mediation or collaborative law, along with the help of a divorce coach, can help your feelings go from bitter to better. You’ll achieve your divorce goals faster because you won’t be stuck in that constant state of anger and resentment. You’ll reach your end game with dignity, grace, and compassion for the life you had and the new life you’re creating.

More Resources:

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Essential Resources

If you’re facing legal/custody battles, a mental health crisis, an urgent medical issue, serious emotional problems, including suicidal thoughts, please seek help from the appropriate professionals near you.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Crisis line: 1-800-356-5395
Crisis text line: Text “help” to 741741
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) Resources Marital Life Inventory
Divorce Lifecycle Document
Divorce Process Overview


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Splitfyi, Inc. DOES NOT PROVIDE LEGAL OR TAX ADVICE. All information provided should not be construed or relied upon as legal or tax advice. Individuals seeking legal or tax advice should solicit the counsel of competent legal or tax professionals knowledgeable about the divorce laws in their own geographical areas.

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