Getting Back With Your Ex: 8 Things To Consider

The divorce papers are almost signed. You thought you had moved on. Then suddenly, there’s a spark between you and your ex during the parenting exchange. Not the bad kind of spark, either. Now you’re left wondering, should we give it one more try?

Getting back with your ex can be a complicated and emotionally charged decision. There are many things to consider before choosing to rekindle the relationship. You’ll want to reflect on the reasons why the relationship ended in the first place, as well as the changes that have occurred in your lives since then. It’s important to remember that you’re not the first former flames to find yourselves in this situation. Studies have shown that 10-15% of couples reconcile after they separate.

Before you take any further steps toward reconciliation, here are a few key things to consider:

1. Reasons why the relationship ended

It is important to remember why things ended in the first place. Did you have irreconcilable differences, or was it due to specific events or circumstances? Do you believe that these issues have been resolved or that they are still present in the relationship?

2. Changes in your lives

Have you both changed since the breakup? Have you learned from the past and grown as individuals? Are you both ready to make the necessary changes to make the relationship work this time?

3. Communication

Communication is key in any relationship, and this is especially true for couples who are trying to reconcile. Have you both worked on improving your communication skills since the breakup? Can you effectively communicate your feelings, needs, and expectations to each other?

4. Trust

Trust is another critical factor in any relationship. Have you both taken the necessary steps to rebuild trust since the breakup? Have you been honest with each other and avoided repeating past mistakes?

5. Individual goals and aspirations

Before getting back together, it is important to consider your individual goals and aspirations. Do your future plans align with one other? Are you both committed to working together to achieve your shared goals?

6. Impact on others

Getting back with your ex will likely impact others in each of your lives, including your children, friends, and family members. Have you thought about how this decision will affect them and considered their opinions and feelings?

7. Your own feelings

It is also important to reflect on your own feelings. Are you getting back together with your ex because you still love them and believe that the relationship can work, or are you doing it for other reasons, like loneliness? Are you prepared to work through any challenges that may arise in the relationship?

8. Professional help

If you and your ex are struggling with any of the above issues, it may be helpful to seek the assistance of a professional therapist. A therapist can help you work through any emotional or psychological challenges and guide you on building a stronger and healthier relationship. If you do decide to reconcile, you may want to continue seeing a therapist together so you can tackle relationship challenges as soon as they arise.

Getting back with your ex is a decision that should not be taken lightly. It involves a strong commitment from both parties, and a willingness to forgive and move forward together. If one or both of you continues to hold on to old resentments, the reconciliation is doomed to fail, leaving both of you hurting even more than you were before.

There may also be legal ramifications to consider before reconciling. Can you pause your divorce? Should you dismiss the case altogether? If the reconciliation doesn’t work out, will you have to start all over again? Depending on where you’re at in the divorce process, some of these legal ramifications can be huge.

Take your time in deciding if you should get back with your ex. This decision can be as difficult as choosing to divorce in the first place. In the end, you are the only one who can decide what’s right for you.

Struggling with moving on? Check out these other resources to help get unstuck:

More Resources:

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Essential Resources

If you’re facing legal/custody battles, a mental health crisis, an urgent medical issue, serious emotional problems, including suicidal thoughts, please seek help from the appropriate professionals near you.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Crisis line: 1-800-356-5395
Crisis text line: Text “help” to 741741
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) Resources Marital Life Inventory
Divorce Lifecycle Document
Divorce Process Overview


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