Divorce Revenge: The Good, Bad, and Ugly

Sweet revenge? When it comes to divorce, it depends. When your ex hurts you, your first instinct might be to hurt your ex back but doing so never feels as good as you think it will. In fact, divorce revenge can land you in a lot of emotional and legal trouble.

When it comes to revenge after divorce, some things definitely fall into the “bad and the ugly” category. Things you should steer clear of when you desire retaliation against your ex include:

  • Physically or emotionally harming them
  • Damaging their personal property
  • Using your children against them
  • Dating someone close to them to hurt their feelings
  • Taking them to court for unnecessary things

If you really want to “get back” at your ex- be happy! Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. Don’t do it to hurt your former spouse, but instead, do it because you know you deserve to move on and be happy.

When Revenge Isn’t So Sweet

Seeking revenge on your ex in negative ways can end up harming you more than it harms them. If you do something illegal in an attempt to hurt them, it could leave you paying a hefty fine, or even land you in jail.

Including others in your divorce revenge can make things even more difficult, especially when involving your children. Your children, other family members, and friends should be left out of any issues you have with your ex. They should never be the middleman or used as a means to gain information about your ex.

When Revenge Is Sweet

You’ve heard the phrase “revenge body”, well the divorce revenge body is even better! Not just because you look great, but because it means you’re taking care of yourself, which is something you absolutely deserve to do.

Aside from physically looking great, emotionally, financially, and spiritually taking care of yourself are other forms of sweet revenge. Your ex may not be working on their healing process, but you can. Your ex may not be getting themselves financially stable, but you can. Your ex may not be feeding their spiritual side, but you can. While they may remain stuck, you don’t have to.

Instead of focusing on the bad and the ugly side of revenge, focus on the good side- the taking-care-of-you side! Split.fyi is here to support you along the way!

Take a look at these resources for more tips on moving on.

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Essential Resources

If you’re facing legal/custody battles, a mental health crisis, an urgent medical issue, serious emotional problems, including suicidal thoughts, please seek help from the appropriate professionals near you.

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Crisis line: 1-800-356-5395
Crisis text line: Text “help” to 741741
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)

Split.fyi Resources
Split.fyi Marital Life Inventory
Divorce Lifecycle Document
Divorce Process Overview


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