Dating is tricky at the best of times, let alone after coming out of a long-term relationship. At first, you may not be sure how to start dating after divorce. How do you meet someone? What do you need? What level of person do you “qualify” for. Navigating through dating after divorce definitely has a few necessary steps.
Dating marks another chapter in your post-divorce novel. It takes a significant amount of self-exploration and understanding to know what you want next in a relationship. For some, the idea of something serious is too stifling. For others having a meaningful relationship is the only option moving forward.
First Step
The first step in starting to date after divorce is doing the work on yourself. It’s important to free yourself from any negative residue that your divorce might have left behind. Remember, the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
Second Step
The next step is identifying what you want next in a relationship. Do you want a stable companion? Someone, to have fun with? A partner to support you? Etc.
Throughout the dating process, one needs to keep an open mind and a positive attitude. A great quote that speaks best to this optimistic notion for dating again is, “If life can remove someone you never dreamed of losing, it can replace them with someone you never dreamt of having.” -Unknown
We had a great discussion with Karen Phelps-Moyer from Elite TLC Dating about the process of reimagining love after grief and heartache. You can find this on our Splitting Smart Series “Reimagining Love” with Karen Phelps-Moyer from Good morning, Gorgeous, and Elite TLC Dating.
Something else to keep in mind is what you portray and what voice you choose to use will ultimately determine what you attract.
“Fishing with the right bait.” A friend of mine would say she wanted to find a man that would be good with her kids, have long-term potential, share hobbies, and more. She kept complaining that all the men she met just wanted a “hook up.” On closer examination of her online dating profiles, it became glaringly obvious she was fishing with the wrong bait. Study the picture on this post and think about what each suggests. Make sure the images in your online profile mirror what kind of relationship you hope to find.
The Right Dating Site
The right dating site search can be the most daunting experience one might have to face when hitting the single market again. The varied choices are enough to make people abort the idea of online dating itself. It is a minefield, to say the least. It is essential that one knows what they want so that they can put effort into finding a site that matches their criteria. What works for your friends might not work for you and your needs.
We found some sites that help you to navigate online dating and your options:
- A great article reviewing dating sites for people not into online dating:
- Another great link that has an overview of several dating sites with price comparisons and target markets (e.g., over 50, hookups, artsy partner, etc.)
- After searching many different ranking sites, it looks like the number one dating site across the board is Zoosk.
Again, only you can understand what the right fit for you will be. And during the process, it is important to try and enjoy yourself, explore, and have fun with the dating process. Beginning the dating process after divorce isn’t easy, but remember, it can always be another book in the making.
Guest authors: Laila Aitken Ali and Heather Steer, Split.fyi Founders
