Maybe you found the love of your life after your divorce. Maybe the mere thought of dating sends you running for the hills. Both of those are possibilities after a divorce. But there’s also another very real possibility- another broken heart. It’s the last thing you want to deal with after a divorce, but if you want to find love again, it’s a risk you have to take. We have 9 ideas on how to heal heartache after your first post-divorce breakup.
Here’s something you might not be aware of though- that first breakup after a divorce can hurt even more than your divorce did. This is especially true if you moved on to dating right away and didn’t allow yourself time to heal from your divorce. The things you didn’t heal are only going to be magnified with another broken heart. While a new love may cover up the old pain for a while, it’s not a permanent fix.
So, how do you cope with that first post-divorce breakup?
Go back and heal the pain from your divorce- first.
Most of the pain you are feeling from this breakup probably has a lot to do with the end of your marriage. If you deal with those feelings first, you’ll learn the necessary lessons in order to heal your current broken heart.
Be honest about why the breakup happened.
Dating after divorce isn’t easy. You’ve got busy schedules, kids, and old habits that can get in the way of happiness. Once you get honest with yourself about where things went wrong and why you can get to a place of acceptance and learn what not to do the next time around.
Trust the process.
It can be really hard to trust that everything will work out in the end when you are lonely and hurting, but try to look at this breakup as the catalyst towards your next greatest adventure. It didn’t work out for a reason, and that reason will become clear to you eventually. Until then, focus on loving yourself.
Practice a whole lot of self-love.
So they didn’t choose you (or maybe you didn’t choose them), but none of that matters if you choose yourself. Self-love is important all the time, but never more so than after a divorce when your self-esteem has been put to the test. Speak positive words of affirmation to yourself. Indulge in self-care daily. Spend time doing the things that fill up your cup and bring you joy. You’re worth it.
Recognize that what you’re feeling is normal.
Breakups hurt, and it’s okay to feel like they do. You don’t have to put on a brave face and act like everything is perfectly fine. You have endured a lot of pain, but remember that you have risen above that pain before, and you will do it again. This time, you know-how.
Give yourself time.
One of the worst things you could do would be to jump into another relationship when you haven’t healed from this one (and your divorce). Being single won’t kill you. In fact, it is the perfect excuse to nurture your mind, body, and soul and focus on YOU! If you’re feeling lonely, there are plenty of things to fill up your time, like hanging out with your family and friends or trying out a new hobby.
Plan an adventure.
Do you know what’s right up there with being in love? Going on vacation! Planning an adventure gives you something to look forward to so you don’t dwell on your emotions for too long. Getting physically out of your current situation by going on vacation is a great way to reset yourself, so you come back feeling refreshed and ready to move on. It also shows you that life goes on- with or without a relationship!
Be grateful.
Gratitude after a breakup? Yes! This relationship showed you that you can love again. Your divorce did not harden your heart. You’ve learned more about what you want and don’t want in a relationship. And if you can find nothing else to be grateful for, at least be grateful that you weren’t married to them!
Date yourself!
Do you know who deserves your love more than anyone else in this world? You! Make space in your life to take yourself on dates. Spoil yourself. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by someone else, and then when a new person does come along, you won’t be willing to settle for anything less.
Breakups are hard, but the pain doesn’t last forever. Just like you moved on from your divorce, you will move on from this, too. Let the pain make you stronger and wiser. Take the relationship for what it was- nothing more and nothing less. Then wipe your tears and move forward, because there are a million other beautiful things still waiting for you.
