Do you have that divorced friend who seems to transition their kids from house to house seamlessly? You may see both parents and stepparents cheering for their kids on the sidelines of a soccer game. Their kids seem comfortable in situations where both parents are present and together. These are just a few of the characteristics that successful co-parenting arrangements share. Getting to this point after a divorce takes time. However, we must look at how these parenting teams work to set us up for success in the future. Here are 5 traits all successful co-parenting arrangments have.
1. Kids First, Always
In any co-parenting arrangement, the kid’s needs come first, without hesitation. When looking to create or change any schedule, make sure that the benefits outweigh the harms. If there is a conflict, both parents need to put their own child’s needs ahead of their own, and sometimes that may mean compromise.
2. Same Rules, Different House
Just because you are divorced doesn’t mean you can’t be on the same page regarding parenting. Presenting a united front to your child can help them feel more secure. Divorce can cause a child to feel extremely uncertain. Providing a solid foundation of the same rules and expectations at each house can ground a child.
3. Embracing Bonus Parents
When you or your ex decide to re-marry, successful co-parents embrace the new spouse as a bonus parent. It is someone else within your village that can help raise your child. Successful co-parents let go of animosity or jealousy around a new spouse and instead ask, “How can we work together to show this child that we all love him or her?”
4. Forgiveness
No one is perfect. You both will mess up during the course of your co-parenting arrangement. Maybe one time, you completely forget to pack your child’s soccer uniform for the next day’s practice. Perhaps you have a busy day at work and end up picking up your child late, causing a significant inconvenience to the other parent who needed to leave early that day. Odds are, both parties will need grace from time to time. Be gracious, forgive their faults, because you will likely need the same understanding at a later time.
5. Flexibility
While every couple tries their best to stick with a stringent co-parenting schedule, life happens. The most successful co-parents can go with the flow and adjust accordingly. For example, if one parent unexpectedly gets called into work, the other parent can adapt to cover. They know if something happens down the line, the other parent has their back. Furthermore, as your child grows, their schedule may get more hectic and unpredictable. Making sure you have some level of flexibility with the other parent is crucial to a peaceful relationship.
Co-parenting is likely one of the most challenging things you will ever do in your life. However, when both parties invest time, energy, and empathy into their effort, the rewards to your children are vast.
